So Long And Goodnight to All Falling Stars

So is this how it's going to be? Walk at night? In the darkness smile alone and weep? Yeah. Sure. It's the better way to go. No one ever told another person that the standards of feeling great and happy necessarily entails that we have to be juvenile about it.

When I was younger, I have set my goals and primarily forced my beliefs on a lot of people causing them to move further away. So here it is. Sew me. I deserve it. There's nothing else that I can say. I've been scarred so many times before so what's once more. I'll take it like a man for as long as I can but at least give me the opportunity to hold my breath long enough to last the duration of your stay. Do you know how it feels to take what you offer me? Every bit of it kills me. But I'll take it and convey my surrender before each night ends. It hurts. Oh so much it does.

Paint you a protrait? Sure. Why not.

I wake up, think of you, accept reality and go on with my day (so many times before, so what's once more). I scream my heart out in agony in my thoughts, but still, I'll manage. I see my family, associates and friends all the time and wonder where I'd see your face. Alas, the hardest task of all, daytime meals and supper has never been harder to take. The minute the source of nourishment touches my tounge I feel the sensation of forcing myself to swallow, gag at it for awhile and digest because otherwise I'd lose strength, strength to endure the pain that is demanded of me. I need to sustain myself for my duties. Then at night, before I lead myself to my slumber, the horrifying part comes in. You.

After all that I have gone through my day, work and leisure, you haunt me. As I lay awake at night, I wait for answers, or any signs that you would exist. It sometimes makes me wonder if I'm the one who doesn't exist. Where are we then? Bizarre? Sure. But this is all because you made it that way for me.

Do you wish that I wish you away? To bid you so long and goodnight? I can hate you if you want me to. Yes, very much I can. It has always been a welcome thought. Years, yes years can turn someone into a very different person. I can say "to hell with you" but instead say "come and rest in my arms". I can say "why bother" but instead I'd say "I love her". I can say "you're such a selfish person" but instead I can say "don't worry, someday you'll be contented".

What about me then? Is there anything left? In all honesty, for you, no. Nothing is left for me anymore. All out for the burning fires of stellar gases in the heavens. I'll bleed again someday (so many times before, so what's once more). Hopefully one day, it won't be because of you anymore. Why? Because it's just too much for me to fathom already. My fragility has already taken its toll and no one really can help me with it. Take it. It's yours. It's for you to display as a trophy. You've earned it with all that you've gone through and done for me.

I'm sorry. So long and goodnight.

your day late friend,
razrael